Clarence: A story of Ludwick, scag, and a lot of other drugs. Pt 3.
This is the third part of the story. For the first two parts, go to the stories section.
Venn didn’t enjoy codeine. Matter of fact, he brought less drugs to me, and we saw less and less. Word on the street was that Jezebel was ‘rehabilitating’ him. I didn’t even understand what the fuck that was supposed to mean, and how they believed my friend needed rehabilitation, but I was darn offended that he was avoiding me. He really was avoiding me. He stopped picking my calls, and anytime we happened to be in class, he’d sit as far away as he could from me. He even changed his number. I didn’t have a lot of friends in Badely, and I didn’t know how to make many. Venn was easy at mixing with other people and making friends, and it was easy for him to forget me. He opened up to Julie about how we were both using drugs, and how he is trying to change, but that I haven’t tried. Julie was angry I didn’t tell her I had “a drug problem” and said it was either the drugs left, or she did. She left.
I didn’t have a drug problem. I just needed to take one or two pills to get my act together. I needed a few pills to sleep. I needed one or two pills to party. I needed to take something to feel good. Fuck. I had a drug problem.
I started convincing myself that Venn was going through a phase, and that sooner or later, that Jezebel girl will leave him and go back to hell where they sent her from. I knew he was just trying to find something to laugh about again, and that after a few weeks, he’d cave in and continue. I mean, if you fucking knew how much drugs Venn used to take, you’d know he was pretty much hooked on it. And who the fuck did Jezebel think she fucking was? What the actual fuck.
After Julie stopped talking to me, I didn’t know what I became. I got into a bad state of depression because I had lost the only two people I cared about, and none of them was making any fucking attempt to see how I was doing without them.
Venn eventually stopped smoking pot, and taking pills and it seemed to be the end of me. HOW THE FUCK DID IT HAPPEN? I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND HOW HE DID IT! LIKE, I AM UNABLE TO CAN UNDERSTAND. IT SEEMED FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. HOW?!
I bet you didn’t see this story going towards this boring direction, and you expected to see more drug use, and more partying, and more shagging. Well, only one thing continued for me, and that was the drug use, oh, and there was partying which led to drug use, and… I guess there was also a little more shagging after Venn and Julie left me. Look what happened, I was fucking depressed, and I hadn’t seen weed or pills in quite a while because, well, Venn was my weed and pills plug, and he was busy saying I had a ‘drug problem’ so I was just doing lean over and over again. Fucked up thing about lean is that you keep needing higher dosages to keep you in that ‘state’ so if I took like almost a full bottle this month to reach the low state, I’d need like a bottle and half next time I want to get it. I had to do it over and over, and my withdrawals from weed started caving in. What are withdrawals?
Withdrawals work in a fucking strange way. It’s like when your body keeps having something over and over again, and your body’s biological build up gets used to having that shit in your system and reconfigures itself to believe that you need that substance. Now, if you stop taking that thing, your body starts acting weird trying to remind you that you need to take that substance. I’ll be honest; it is a sign of addiction.
It was a fucked up feeling, and I didn’t eat anything for a long time. When my parents called, I didn’t pick. I mean, what did they know about depression and fuckedupness?.
After like two weeks of taking enough cough syrup to kill ten people, I saw online that there was a party holding at Mac Zaron’s house. Mac was the most popular girl in the University, and everyone was invited because her parents are fucking rich. I went for the party anyway.
At the party, I caved back into weed, and smoked about three joints to get myself together. The xans and LSD was also in every fucking corner you turned to, and I couldn’t avoid it in anyway, and not like I wanted to.
Mac Zaron’s party made me meet scag. Yes. Heroin. Makes you remember somebody, right? Well, fuck it. I needed something new in my system, and I needed to feel something I had never felt before. The scag came in syringes, and was passed round. Very few people took it, because they were busy on their alcohol and pills, or maybe they knew heroin was too potent, and that it got you hooked unto it after one experience. ONE. And it wasn’t a lie.
I really cannot tell you what heroin feels like. But then, just imagine that the entire drug feeling explanations I gave earlier can’t add up to what I felt.
When the scag hits you, it’s like God and all his angels have their holy hands upon your entire body. You feel like a fucking superman. You’re there, and you’re here, and you’re somewhere else, and you’re in the UK, but you can be in China, or in South Sudan. It’s a blessed moment, and that is all I can say.
Scag’s high doesn’t last long. It didn’t, and I had to take another syringe to feel it again. Like fuck!! I honestly stayed in a moment when I felt like I didn’t need anybody, or anything, and I said FUCK VENN, FUCK MY PARENTS, FUCK JULIE, and FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD!!! I felt like I didn’t need anybody at that moment, and that the whole world was in my body, running through my veins, and that I was a holy creature, and that my brain was the Holy of Holies.
I wanted more, but the tray with the syringes was gone, and my second high had gone, and I was back to my miserable friendless self who needed people but didn’t have anybody.
A group of girls came to sit beside me, and one of them was staring at me, so I knew there’d be shagging that night, and there was. She came with more scag when we went to my apartment.
Now, let’s not even talk about what it feels like to have heroin in your system when you’re with a woman. I can’t explain it.
She left that night, and I didn’t even get her name, but she left me more heroin and had taught me how to fix a syringe. I had also come back from the party with some weed and pills, so I felt I was set for the night and a few nights to come.