It’s pitch black and I’m conscious but I can’t see anything, I know I’m alive and I’m breathing. Where am I? My memory’s not very clear, it’s all a haze of blurry sensations as far as I can tell purely by sense of touch I think I’m on a bed, it’s all I’m able to make out at this point…i think I’m naked as well…
“What’s going on?” I ask out loud.
For some reason I expect a response, out of desperation maybe? Or fear? I suddenly realize for the first time the shooting pain in my left arm. There’s a needle stuck in it, I see it but I don’t freak out, in fact almost instinctively I felt my right hand move to push the contents of the syringe into my veins, a crazy rush flooded my veins, I felt it in the back of my throat it was potent stuff and I was practically tasting it. I could feel my body breaking out in sweats, culminated with this hurricane motion like a wave of pure elevated awakening infused with some mind numbing form of concentrated euphoria. My heart was racing and the drugs slammed the brakes hurling me through the fabric of reality right into astroworld and had me star gazing out into cosmos like I’m among them, a human being on a celestial trip.
Still on the bed, I manage to sit up somehow with my back against the head board my body feels completely numb so that’s all I can do in terms of movement, I can only look at the dark emptiness spread out before me, then right before my eyes I see images start to take form, so clear like it was a movie i had the best seats in the house for, I see a person, it’s a male I think seems to be on sort of journey evident from the luggage he drags around behind him as he gets into a cab and headed straight for a hotel close by, guess it’s safe to assume he just got off of his flight at the airport then? Seeing as I don’t have much choice I might as well relax and entertain myself until I’m strong enough to get a grip with what’s going on, I resign myself to watch the show unfolding and try to understand what’s unfolding before me chances are I won’t be remembering all this in about an hour, and even if I did I probably wouldn’t care, back to the show.
The male figure I watch enters his hotel room, puts away his luggage, he’s packing light probably enough for just a couple of days, I’m guessing business is the reason for his travels. He empties the contents of his jacket pockets on to the bed; a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, a wallet and rolling papers I think. Well someone’s an O.G, I thought to myself as I watched him light a cigarette and pour himself a drink from the mini bar, just the right idea to unwind if you ask me. It’s a little weird that I haven’t seen his face yet but hey what do I know? It’s not my movie. Watching this man he strikes me as restless, like he’s in need of some sort of distraction from something weighing heavily on his mind…a feeling I sense I can relate to all too well, is it business, family matters? I guess I’ll find out the more I watch.
The sun had completely gone down when he tried to turn on the television to watch something but it didn’t hold his attention for more than a few seconds as he turned it back off, changed his shirt into a more casual black long sleeved sweat shirt, grabbed his cigarettes, wallet, alongside his lighter from the bed and also briefly rummaged through his luggage briefly picking out a few items I couldn’t exactly make out, placing them into a smaller pouch, I think I see some pills but I can’t be sure but that sweat shirt definitely looks like something I should own or I probably do own one just like that, who knows? He exits his hotel room in search of wonder maybe as the scene fades to black.
The next scene kicks off with his walking into a bar, at first it’s too dark for me to make out the features of the bar, honestly I’m not even paying attention to any of the details, I doubt I have enough brain power for all of that, I’m just here to follow the story and see where it leads. He’s inside the bar taking the entire scenery before him, looking towards the bar area a flicker of light catches his eyes, something he sees seems to have caught his attention. He walks towards the bar, practically being pulled towards the object that caught his attention, I’m watching him just as enticed and mesmerized as I’m hooked on his every motion, the closer he got to the bar his reflection came into view off of the mirror glass housing holding the drinks in place and just as he’s doing so I get an eerie feeling of déjà vu creeping up on me because I swear I’ve been in that bar before, I just can’t put my finger on it. He sits on the bar stool apparently pleased by the assortment of liquor that was presented before him for his entertainment, just then a torrent of fear and confusion consumes me because I can see the face of the male figure I’d been watching all this time. The face is mine, he smiles looking at his reflection, almost in a manner that shows he’s aware of my acknowledgement that I’m watching myself… but that’s not possible is it? None of this makes any sense. The déjà vu, the shirt, the familiarity of the bar…maybe that’s why I was so captivated by everything…her small upper body and the subtlety of her bust comes into my line of sight the bartender, I’m convinced that I’m not just watching some random movie, it almost feels like that harry potter moment when Dumbledore first showed him how to extract memories and view them.
I decided not to jump to any conclusions but rather continue going with the flow, for all I know I could be hallucinating right now, despite the incredible attention the detail; the same gold and red wallpapers on the wall, the familiar ambience laced with lust and sin embroiled in depravity. I continue to watch myself as I interact with the bartender, watching her walk away to fetch my drink and my eyes firmly placed on her gorgeous ass filling my mind with glorious carnal and devious intent up until the moment she returned with my bottle of Jameson. I found that the longer I watched fragments of the night slowly started coming back to me, especially from the moment my shisha pot is brought to me and I proceed to watch myself break up the kush, crack and pills mixing it all up in the shisha ensuring I have a memorable night evident from the fragments I remember from the night and also from the way the bartender came by more often to spend as much time interacting with me, going so far as indulging in my little experiment. It’s apparent that I’m having a good time at the bar with my tinkered shisha and Jameson, along with the occasional visit from the bartender and the visuals she provided me as the base for the fantasies I had at the time, indeed it was the perfect distraction and the best parts were still yet to come, all the right signs were there.
I watch myself sit there as the beads of sweat form, it’s a cold night but I was breaking out in sweats, my cocktail had gone into the full swing as my eyes become bloodshot and narrowed, I’d look around and smile, knowing what I was thinking to myself cause I’d had the same look and must have thought the same thought about a thousand times over before, ‘if only you could feel what I’m feeling right now’. Time went by one second I’d be nodding my head along in response to the music playing in the background the next I had my eyes closed nodding off like I was in a heated battle with strongest bout of sleep I’d ever encountered, what a high man. I continue at this for a while, nodding off and catching myself right in time to readjust until I finally gave in for about three minutes, just sitting head bent over just barely a few inches above the bar top now, then I suddenly see myself start to raise my head back up, I notice my lips are moving so I must be singing along to the song and just then it hits me, a flash of an image in my mind. The mystery girl, where is she? I’m especially confused now because I’m sure I remember there was someone else with me at the bar that night, she came in and ended up joining me. I know this cause I remember I whipped up the second batch for her and I to share but I’m watching myself currently indulging in the second batch of my cocktail and yet I’m still alone and singing bar songs to myself….then a spark of realization ignited in me, I wasn’t singing to those songs, I couldn’t have been because the only other explanation for the discrepancies in my memory and this showing of what apparently happened would be that she was never there in the first place…I lost track of reality and fiction once again and hallucinated her, our entire conversation, the sex…..wait, the sex, that would clear everything up, I just needed to wait and watch it all play out. To add even more bewilderment to a very confusing situation I watch myself pass out at the bar, head is completely down I’m helpless as I watch security guys coming towards me, I assume to kick me out, considering I came in alone, only for the bartender to intervene and she says something to them and they leave me. She comes around to my side of the bar and searches my pockets and I think to myself, ‘that bitch slipped something in my drink now she wants to rob me?’ I wonder. So none of what I thought happened that night really did? I didn’t even get lucky? I’m left to continue wondering as the screen fades to black again and reopens with me back in the hotel room I’d watched myself arrive at, utterly confused naturally wondering for the life of me how I’d gotten back to my hotel room, I try to wipe my face and realize there’s something stuck to it, it’s paper, a sticky note that read;
“Hey, so you passed out at the bar and I had to bring you back here rather than let security throw you out, they can get a little rough, I had a good time though”
That’s all her note said….no number, no nothing….so I struck out huh? Damn all that ass, can’t believe I let this shit happen again, goddamn. Only for me to watch myself pick up the phone and check if I had any work messages, I have none. I go take a leak, so I can set an alarm and go back to sleep then on returning back to set the alarm, I notice a new message which read:
“so I noticed you were in no place to collect my number the night before, so I took it upon myself to get yours instead, you kept on mumbling about how we should spend time together and I think I’m down for that, not to mention I know where your hotel room is, wanna meet back there in a couple days? Since you leave town soon you might as well make it memorable right?”
Before the next scene materializes I try to recap and understand what it is I had just seen. The disappointment and elation all in the same space of events, the amazing sex I thought I’d remembered never in fact happened, it’s likely that in the minutes I fell asleep I fantasized about doing all sorts of things to that bartender’s ass….but even weirder, the chick I hallucinated was with me, I recognize her face, but it couldn’t have been her, it’s not possible, the chances are practically zero.
And then the scene dies out again.
Upon its return I find myself back in the hotel room, a message on my phone says, ‘I’m just a few minutes away’. I know who it’s from, finally I get the chance to have my way with her. Watching myself, I also take note of my surroundings, I have a home made bong made, some more crack, a lot of kush and codeine. By my count there’s four bottles of codeine left, although I remember starting out with eight bottles and my special inhaler, I remember crushing roofie pills in there and inhaling the powder right through my nostrils for an awesome direct high. As I watch myself indulge as per the usual, remembering the bits and pieces I could remember from the high, the mind warping euphoria of it, fading in and out of consciousness, drifting through a cosmic plane as part of it and not just passing through it but a part of it, floating and hovering through worlds, weightless and boundless, in a place where I’m lost and free. I also remember waking up the morning after with two different girls so I guess we got up to some kinky stuff, can’t wait to watch myself fuck them at the same time, the thought of actually seeing it outside my own body turned me on, I figured if I could, I’d jerk off to it, but I’m unable to move so that’s a no go.
Watching as the events unfold, I notice myself having entire conversations with someone who wasn’t even in the room, but the really funny part to me was that every time I had to pass the bong I just hit it myself, it’s pretty comic stuff really. I watch myself tripping the fuck out, and the hotel room door opens up, she comes in, the bartender, if I thought she looked good before then if I had my eyes open they might have popped from this personification of the words grown and sexy. She was clad in all black, a tank top with a deep plunging neck line, her breasts are bigger than I assumed they were, evident from all that ample cleavage, she sees me seated on the chair in the hotel room with my head tossed back eyes closed and completely faded. She plants her fat ass directly on my crotch and kisses me, I’m watching her kiss me and I can see myself being pulled back into the real world being refilled with life and one singular purpose, no words exchanged, I breathe out peacefully and she pulls back, holding me firm in her eyes, the pressure so intense, the atmosphere filled with lust, I’m hard as a rock and she can feel me cause she’s slowly grinding on me as she leans in towards my ears and sticks her tongue inside, the sensation makes me quiver with pleasure as I instinctively grab her ass and pull her even closer towards me, even though there was no existing space between us.
As she continues to nibble on my ear lobe, my head is buried in the soft flesh of her cleavage, she had an almost almond and honey mix natural scent lingering on her skin, making it even more satisfying as I gently bit into her breast as a result she let out a soft groan, the heat of her breath against my skin jolted me into taking her top off, the base of her top rises above the threshold of her lower breasts they jiggle as they are exposed, I dive in mouth first and engulf the entirety of her nipple in my mouth and suck voraciously on it, her hands clasped around the back of my head pulled me even more into her body as she moans “oh yeah”.
I find myself cuffed to the bed, a veil of darkness is slowly engulfing my vision of her naked body on top of mine as she slips a blindfold over my eyes. As I watch I have flashes of moments when I thought she was the one cuffed to the bed, but why? Was it because I thought that she having me in the palm of her hands meant I had no control, I was her play thing now, less than human, just a means to an end? Was my hallucination of her being the one cuffed my attempt at regaining the power that she had stripped me of? I pondered these things in my subconscious as I continued to watch myself engage in carnal entwinement.
She takes my hard dick in her hands, jerks it and plays with it half heartedly like she was teasing me, then she pushes it upwards flat against my stomach, the she slides the lips of her vagina on top of it, I can feel the tip of my dick rub her clit as she slides back and forth, grinding back and forth, slowly and softly at first then she begins to get wet, I can feel her moist rubbing off on the shaft of my dick no doubt having run down from her pussy walls, damn how wet she must be, I thought. She begins to speed up and I can’t handle the anticipation anymore, I’m fighting from my toes to stop them from curling, my knees can’t seem to stay still.
“come on girl, put it in, I know you’re ready” I say
“be quiet” she says in a groan
“hey come on now, I can’t take it, the suspense is killing me, I gotta know what that pussy feel like” I retort as she continues to maintain the same position but increasing her speed.
“be patient boy, good things come to those who wait” she plays as she giggles
“I was outta patience when we were still kissing, stop tripping, let me have it” I say
“I’m gon make you beg for it” she says
“quit playing nigga” I say.
She intensifies the back and forth motion and it makes me go nuts. I can feel her nails running down my chest playfully and softly, the tingle of it sends multiple shocks to the tip of my dick, as I’m helplessly tossing my head from side to side. ‘She’s breaking me’ I thought as I watched what really went down the second time I’d seen her, she broke me in the most beautiful way I could have imagined…and as she had her averted looking upwards in pleasure, I swear I see her smile at me as I watch what’s going on…it’s not even possible…it’s just a memory, right? But how can that even be? It’s impossible except this is just another hallucination….fuck what are the answers here??? I pondered all these things as I watch her use me.
“oh come on baby please” I say. But she’s moaning loudly now, I don’t even know if she can hear me at this point.
“baby please put it in, I’m dying here, what do you want?” I say
“sshhh, I’m almost there” she moans
“please baby, please” I say
“hush nigga, I’m cumming” she says as her knees tighten around my waist, I can feel her body contract with strong jerks forcing her to ease the pressure she has on my dick. As she creates that small space unwittingly, I thrust my entire waist region, so my dick can stand erect, and thrust directly blindly, I get lucky with the tip of my dick splitting her pussy lips as I manage to get the tip in.
“Fuckkkkkkkkk” she moans
“oh shit mami, that’s super tight! Fuck” I groan, losing control, her pussy was so wet and tight, I could have sworn my dick was just a lollipop in her mouth she pulled out as she took advantage of the turmoil and pressed me flat on the bed again. This time though she leaves just the tip in as she reminds me.
“I’m in control here boy” she says as she slides her pussy down to the base of my dick, my toes curl as I writhe in the pleasures of her depths. She digs her nails in my chest as she rides me slowly and evenly at first as she moves her hips back and forth, rubbing and sliding her tight wet pussy on my hard dick, she picks up the pace eventually, I’m breathing hard, I feel her lips on mine all of a sudden as she rides me, her tongue exploring the inside of my mouth, slowly and longingly, she matches her pace with the movement of her hips, she seemed to slow down time itself, as I felt every electrically induced stimulation sent up to my brain cells, it’s the purest form of communication. It’s hard not to imagine being lost in some eternal plane of nothingness except for the very moment that they were in. She pulls away a little as she bites on my lower lip, doing so she starts to twirl her hips round and round, with her pussy wrapped around my dick.
“oh damn baby, you got skills” I say. She doesn’t even pay me any attention as she continues to work her magic on top of me, then she pulls away completely, placing her hands backwards on my thighs for support as she twirled away at my dick like a belly dancer.
“here’s your reward for being a good boy” she says as she swipes the blindfold from my eyes, returning me back to the physical plane. I’m welcomed by the sight of her breasts bouncing up and down, glistening with sweat, indeed it was rewarding. But she had one more surprise in store as she swiftly turned around while she remained atop my dick, the view of her ass as she bounced it with maximum pace, the ripples the impact from her relentless and fast bouncing made on her ass as she bounced on my dick was the real reward here.
“oh fuck baby, you’re gonna make me cum, please, fuck!” I say. She wouldn’t listen as she pounded away at my dick, I start to feel an erupting sensation forcing my toes to curl harder this time, displacing my legs, almost in a convulsing fashion as I feel this erupting sensation from the base of my balls, rising, travelling up the shaft of my dick, intensifying as it does so and just before it reaches the tip of my dick, she slides her pussy off of my dick and lets me cum all over her ass….then everything fades to black again….i must have passed out I guess, she rode me to the great beyond I thought.
If all this happened now then I wonder what went down when the other girl arrives.
I wake up cuffed to the bed, frantic and wondering what happened. I was confused, I was cuffed and couldn’t remember why or what happened or how I’d passed out, so I decided to ask the person laying next to me what had happened and she has no idea either.
Now as I watch myself in the memory in this heap of confusion, I’m thrown into further confusion because I’m wondering who I’m talking to in the memory because there was no one there…what the fuck is happening to me? Another hallucination? Or did the angle not capture her? There was nobody there, the girl in the thong where was she? Just then I hear the sound of the toilet go off from the supposed memory I’m watching, and I’m certain the shock in my face at present wouldn’t reflect the shock on my face in the memory as the person that emerges from the bathroom is none other than the girl in the thong…and she looks exactly the same as the bartender. As the information registered as I watch this unfold, my mind is transported back to that scene at that point in time, recalibrated with the events as I had seen them at the time in the memory, and the pieces add up from what I’d watched, as a result the second level of shock hit me, I realize I had hallucinated someone waking up beside me, but what makes it significant is the fact that it was the same girl I had hallucinated from the bar……..how could this be? My mind refuses to accept, it’s impossible, it just has to be….i thought. Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern, but where is this leading? I wondered as the memory faded to black….
Only as I wait upon the next scene, deep in thought about why I keep hallucinating the same face, it dawns on me, I’m no longer enshrouded by complete darkness, but a portion of my surrounding had taken shape, strangely enough, from the portion of the bed I lay on, not the whole bed to the wall looked to mirror that of the hotel room I just watched myself have sex in…the rest of it remained as dark as it was before….how strange…I wonder what this all means.
The next scene opens up and I see myself in a lounge area, it’s daytime and I have my cigarettes. My eyes retain that narrow and opiod hazed red nature, so I instantly knew I was ploughed. I see myself sitting, not a care in the world, and I don’t even notice when the chocolate skinned goddess appears before, draped in a knee length corporate dress, one that accentuated more than just her 5”8 body but also a certain grace about her, thin legs and a rather large bust….just watching I could tell that I craved her. She sat as I passed her the lighter, joining me for a bit of a smoke and some conversation. For some reason I could recall this one a lot clearer than the prior ones, almost like it had happened a lot sooner than them. As I watched on I could tell that I was in airport, that’s right it was my last day in town and I was waiting on a flight that been delayed when I came across the most beautiful lady….
“Usually when men look at me, i can all but taste their cravings, but your eyes show something darker beneath that well tailored suit of success, or maybe you’re just really fucking high” she said
“The game is afoot” I thought
“Well that’s because our debased desires are watered down by my more humane desire to be wealthy, but then again to cultivate this tree of wealth, it has to be adorned by offerings of carnal stimulation, euphoria, and xtasy” he said
“So in other words, sex? So this is like a generic thing?” she asked
“I do not concern myself with notions of mere inconveniences like other people or even their problems, i can only deal with what’s in front of me, maybe if more people realized that then maybe history wouldn’t be a grave yard for unsustainable frontiers” he said
“Dare I ask if i meet such lofty heights?” she asked. Tact is the ability to see others as they see themselves coupled with the ability to arouse human curiosity as much as she has harassed my ability to keep myself in place are my most valuable weapons, and once again, they seem to be at my aid.
“Words are meaningless in the face of conquests such as you, i would have to show you” he answered
“Oh wow… i’m sure i’d have loved to see if we only had a little more time, or another chance meeting maybe? color me intrigued” she said back with a slight hint of suggestive excitement in her eyes
“God doesn’t play dice, i will have you” he said……and for the first time her effortless guard seems visibly shaken….
“My own desire for love is the cause for my pain and hurt” she said
“there’s pain that hurts and there’s pain that alters” I say
I hear those words and my mind flashes to what I had hallucinated happened in the parking lot while I was with her at the airport, when I became some savage beast and took her by force, but alas something about her overpowered me, she dominated me and took complete control, freeing me from the darkness that had a hold on me, what was it about her that I just had to have? I examined closely and saw something, I thought it was a cruel trick; the reason why I just had to have her that in my mind I had accepted the consequences of becoming some unrecognizable beast just to conquer her, she bore the same face…the same face as the girl I hallucinated from the bar, the same face as the girl I hallucinated waking up to…the same face as the girl that I’d been craving even since before i….
My attention is dragged back to the memory I’m watching as the conversation takes a turn
“who hurt you?” she asked
“does it matter? The memories just follows me around everywhere despite being an antisocial pessimist” I say
“Right now, we’re all blades of grass, in time we hit out prime and wither away” she says
“nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die…..but for you I’d follow you anywhere, pleasure you to the ends of the earth and beyond, bathe you in depravity until you are free of your bodily shackles and arise anew in sensual graces” he said as he looked right at her wedding band, no hesitation what so ever.
“I wish I never sat here” she says, puffin on her cigarette
“those are the words of those with turbulent times ahead, what you can do is decide what to do with the time you’ve been, so sin now, that when true darkness comes your heart may be true” I say, as my gaze meets hers, unshaking and unyielding.
“well I guess words are of no more use here, now you’ve gotta show me” she says with a wry smile, and a twinkle in her eye. Standing up to leave, she’s ahead of me already when I notice she forgot her swiss army utility knife, for protection she said, so I pick it up and take it along with me before the scene fades out again.
I unlock the door to the room, she steps in, looks back at me and smiles….walking in she starts to strip, unzipping her dress at the side, she grabs the back of my neck, nudges me to pull the strap down with my teeth, I indulge her, the dress crumbling in a heap at her ankles as she steps out of them….drawing her lips away from mine as she does so. The screen fades again. It’s strange how I vaguely remember this part or even what happened after it.
The scene comes back on and she’s on her side, her left leg flat on the as I’m in between her thighs, balls deep in her gushing pussy. Her right knee is positioned in a way that it’s pointing upwards so I have space to maneuver my right hand in my position to strum her clit as like a Spanish guitar, fast and relentless. Then I watch myself stop, take both her hands and place them behind her back, I use my upper body to apply pressure on them like some sort of strategic binding before I resume playing with her clit. She’s thrashing and moaning in pleasure, she’s about to cum, I can feel her pussy tighten and just as her legs begin to shake and quake, I reach across her neck and push my hand underneath the pillow carefully, withdrawing my hand, I run it back across her neck in a straight horizontal line, warm bright red blood spewed from the fissure I had created between the flesh of her neck, deep and long, scraping bone along the way. She had no time to scream or even realize what was going on or suspect what was about to happen. I watched her bleeding, no longer as a memory, but as living in the present and occurring in real time. I realize now, why I kept hallucinating this face, it’s the face of the one who caused me pain. I gave her everything and she just stomped on it no reason why or room for negotiation, ever after I left the state for her to try to forget my pain, she still haunts me, I saw her at the bar my first night in town, I craved her so much I hallucinated sleeping with her right there on the bar and when I couldn’t have her, someone else had to do, but even then I still hallucinate waking up next to her because there’s nobody I’d rather be with….it’s like they were all leading me here, preparing me for this moment, like a symbolic representation of how I met you and had to have you like at the bar, when I had you I had to keep you like in the hotel room, until you discarded of me like I’m doing to you now. This is how I get over you.