You ever have one of those moments you were absolutely sure you were making the right moves? I’m not saying I didn’t have my doubts and worries, but rather the ability of an external force to calm you. I’d met her randomly, at an art exhibition. She was staring at this piece I had just noticed and felt drawn to it immediately. Making my way towards the painting, it’s almost as if the room itself gave way and cleared out a path for me as I end up right beside her…she takes one quick glance in my direction, our eyes meet.
“You’re drawn to it as well, aren’t you?” she asked.
“Amazing…the elegance of it all. I couldn’t help myself, so yeah I’d say I was drawn to it” I answered, all the while my gaze remained on her, she was the piece of art I felt drawn to, not whatever it is was that hung on the wall. Truth be told I don’t think I ever really even looked at the painting, not even once.
“it’s such a beautiful piece, exquisitely crafted, you have to look at it and really see it to grasp the beauty it captures” she said, her eyes still locked firmly on the painting.
“It really is, I can’t seem to look enough” I said still feasting my eyes on this beautiful lady. She seems to notice for the first time my eyes are locked on her, to my surprise she takes it with anything but calm. Her eyes look to light up with life beaming from this sudden sense of curiosity.
“Tell me any color you see on the piece of art you claim not to able to get enough of, just name one” she says
“Purple” I blurt out with no hesitation what so ever, obviously having no idea what the painting really was. No inclination to look either.
“That’s the color of my dress” she says back
“Exactly, why would I be looking at anything else?” I ask her
“Well, it is a pretty dress, I’ll give you that” she says. She seems funny
“Trust me that dress wouldn’t look half as good as it does, if you weren’t in it” I snap back.
“This place is a little crowded there’s a bar like right across the street, wanna get a couple drinks?” I can’t help but to ask
“What are you talking about? There’s barely anybody here considering the size” she says as she chuckles softly
“Yeah it’s so noisy, we should get out of here” I say
“Ok then, lead the way” she says
“Really?” I ask as I start to turn towards the exit.
“Well yeah you had a solid opening and you seem funny too, I’m curious so you have my attention for now” she said with a hint of a twinkle in her eyes.
“What’s your name?” I finally ask her
“Titi. My name’s Titi” she says.
That was the day I fell down the rabbit hole.
I knew I was more than open to whatever this beautiful lady would be pitching, but being Yoruba was a game changer. Something about Yoruba women I’ve always had a weakness for. It’s like a magnetic attraction embedded with bias and clouded judgement. It was practically the perfect set up, no wonder nothing else mattered as soon as she came into view. Usually I’d want to observe a little more and watch her beauty adorned by the lights. That sudden rush you get when you anticipate the different layers you get to peel with someone new, someone you’re anxious to get to know. Suddenly the optimist in me was born anew.
“The gallery really wasn’t all that noisy you know, or are you just trying to get me drunk?” Titi asked with a wry smile on her face.
“Well I certainly will be trying to get you drunk, key word there being ‘trying’. It’s really up to you to decide how much you wanna drink. Besides being that close to you, that look and that dress. I got the sudden urge to dance……you deserve to be danced with all night“ I say back
“Dancing huh? You’re right that’s always more fun with a drink or two, not to mention good company.” Titi replies.
“You just know all the right things to say huh? Got me swooning. I was bored outta my mind in there” I say
“Well I’m your superhero then, here to save the day” Titi says
“Some superhero you are, you’re supposed to swoop in and save the day, not standing looking all dazzling” I say
“Well that’s my super power, I dazzle bad guys to submission, my superhero name is Ti-dazzle” Titi says as we both laugh
“I guess it’s safe to consider me dazzled then, utterly so” I say cheekily
“You’re so corny” Titi says as she links her arm with mine while we head towards the bar
“Yeah that’s my super power” I say back with a huge smile across my face.
Hours go by in mere blinks. The conversation seemed to feed off of time directly, it’d been four hours since we got into the bar and started talking. Barely any small talk before we find each other divulging the contents of our hearts, hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears. I swore I’d known her for a thousand life times, likes leaves falling into a lake together, drifting continuously until the currents pull us apart, drifting again then finally we meet again in the ocean. She had work in the morning so she had to call it a night, her uber had arrived. She stands to hug me and take her leave. Her body is so soft, the scent that clung to her skin practically forces me to want to bury my head in her neck, never letting go of her as she clung to me in my arms, this moment is perfect, but fleeting as I can already feel her pulling away, I let go reluctantly. Just before she leaves….
“You’re not gonna collect my number?” Titi asks, a hint of surprise in her eyes
“Oh I’m sorry, I was just a little err…..dazzled there for a minute” I say back as I whip my phone out of my pocket. Truth be told I’d forgotten I had it on me. I handed it to her and she programmed her number into it then called so she could have my number. We say our goodbyes once again.
I watch her uber disappear into the night before I look down at my phone again. Six missed calls and two text messages. I check the messages first. The more recent one was from Tidazzle, I thought it was cute she programmed it that way. It read:
“So I just wanted to say you made a good night pretty great. Also I haven’t gotten a hug that warm and sincere in a while, it held nothing back….i like that. Goodnight xo”
I start to wonder at what point exactly the smile across my face had emerged. On to the second message. It was from Picasso. It read:
“Hey, where the hell are you? It’s my opening night, you can’t ghost on me”
It doesn’t even register to me, whoever that is can wait. I’m about to reply Titi’s message when it occurs to me why I’m here in the first place…. It’s Picasso’s opening night!! I exit the message screen and go straight to me call log. Five missed calls from Picasso. Oh shit, I thought. I have a habit of not programming names on my phone with the actual names of the individuals, it’s a little boring.
I remember the first night we spent together, Titi and I. I’d met her up at her place, we were supposed to go see a movie and spend some time out. Basically, it was just another date… or so it was supposed to be. Even though I met her three weeks ago I still get overwhelmed by her mere presence. I watched her make her way out of her building, I remained where I was, visible enough to pick out quite easily. I didn’t go to her cause I wanted to take it all in, I could’ve met her half way but I needed all the time the walk from her building to me would afford me to marvel at God’s work. Cause man, he finished work on her head. Titi stood around five feet eight inches, she had dark caramel skin. Her eyes were sort of big and completely welcoming, so kind and adorable. Titi was a thick female, all round thickness. Her breasts were full and round, she never wore a bra, she couldn’t be tied down like that she’d say, it was easy to pause for exactly seventeen seconds to lose your mind and composure for a bit when she walked by you. The way that busty upper body curves into the small dimension of her waist still amazes me until the very day, what’s even more astonishing is the width her hips cover as her body curves from her waistline back outward, going down forming her hips. She was so proportionate. And her ass….. don’t even get me started on her ass, jeans never looked so good on anybody. I watched and waited patiently, like I’d been doing to get to this moment. As she makes her way towards me I can’t help but relive the events that transpired in the three weeks that lead to this moment, like her procession signaled a flash back moment in the movie playing in my head.
Three weeks earlier. Rewind to the night I had first met Titi, I was watching her leave in the uber. I was just about to sit back at the bar and finish my drink when I decided to go through my phone. Six missed calls, five of them from Picasso and the other from the letter P. I’d met Ozi a year before at a friend’s birthday barbeque, she was fresh out of law school at the time. Pretty young thing she was. I was introduced to her by my friend, the host. Apparently, they’d both attended the same high school. I’d been having a difficult time it wasn’t the best year for me with work and balancing out life on my own. He had concluded I needed a distraction, someone to take my mind off of things. There was something about her though, she was the simplest person I’d ever met. Even in her simplicity she was unique, I thought. She held nothing back, talking to her didn’t make me feel like an outsider in this crowd. So welcoming and open, still retaining her excitement towards life and its challenges. She was bubbly with the calm excitement, you could almost hear it in her voice, yet she gave off this calm and content exterior pose. So much positivity and energy, it was refreshing, exactly what I needed. After that day it didn’t take long until we seemed inseparable, we went everywhere together because there was enough optimism in her to light up a small country, I was never bored. I needed that energy in my life. I needed it everyday, she became like a power source, two or three months later I started finding balance in my life again and I owed it to her plus the unwavering support she provided. As long as she cared about you she would do her best to go the extra mile. You don’t come across people that genuine very often these days. She’d always wanted to create, to be an artist, so I pushed her into it, the way she pushed me even though she had no idea she did. Not long after that we started dating, and because I thought she was immensely talented I called her Picasso.
That night was the opening for her exhibition, it was supposed to be all about her. I’d been by her side all night but I remember needing some air, so I had decided to go out to have a smoke when all my plans and intentions had been tossed down the drain by that Yoruba force of nature. I text Picasso back asking where she was and apologizing for losing track of time. She replied just as quickly saying it was ok, she understood it’d be quite a bore, she even insisted she’d expected to lose track of me much sooner than she did. Just as always, she was so understanding, even when the situation didn’t call for it. The other missed call was of no consequence at this point, I didn’t have the time for it anyway, I had to go meet my girlfriend Picasso. I exit the bar, make my way back to the gallery to look for Picasso. I spot her, she flashes a smile my way, I wave in her direction but just before I go to her, I look at the message from Titi again. It’s enough to get me through the night.
At work the next day I found myself recalling the events of night before. Being caught completely off guard by Titi and her charms. Only then had it occurred to me that I hadn’t even considered the fact that I’d been there solely in support of another person, said person being my girlfriend. The relationship was going on a year now, I’m not saying I hadn’t encountered beautiful women before but none that made me actively forget the important things. I barely even felt drawn to them and nothing had changed from then up until now, so how come she made the whole world fade away as easily as that? Sometimes I honestly still wonder about that. It had a hint of a dangerous feeling about it, I felt I couldn’t escape her pull. I chalked it up to the excitement of getting to know a new person…. But then again I never mentioned I was in a relationship either. It hadn’t come up, I told myself. I had started to descend the rabbit hole. So I took the first week to get to know her and stuff, the usual process. Titi was an architect and real estate manager working out of a real estate firm. It was fairly obvious she was doing quite well for herself. She was two years older than me but we clicked instantly. I’d met her on a Sunday, by Wednesday we were having lunch together and by Friday we were having drinks after work, stayed out until about 3am just talking. I’d never been this eager to bare my being to another person before, not even Picasso. This feeling I was feeling, I knew it was a double edged sword but I wouldn’t be a man if I didn’t have the hubris to think I could manage it, be that different guy. What a fucking joke. Thing is being different doesn’t always mean throwing yourself into situations where you have tough but basic choices, it can also mean avoiding situations that can potentially lead to being in a place where you’d have to make those choices. Ofcourse I didn’t see it that way, because the only thing worse than thinking with your dick is thinking with your dick and not realizing it yet.
Picasso had launched her exhibition, so she’d been a lot more busy than usual, this afforded me some extra time to myself. During the first week I’d met Titi, Picasso and I hardly got to see each other but we made up for it talking on the phone and texting more than usual. It wasn’t the first time both of us had busy schedules, so we had systems in place to work around various challenges. To make up for not seeing each other she decided she’d spend the following week over at my place, I had no objections, I wasn’t the type to make plans on my own so there was no problem on my part.
It was Tuesday the following week. As per our prior arrangement Picasso had stayed over the night before, and she would continue to do so for the rest of the week. I’m at the office replying emails when I get a text message from Titi asking to meet up later, she wanted to hang with a few of her friends and she thought it’d be fun if I was there too. I said ok. It’s funny how we never asked if we had any plans before deciding to invite the other to hang out. I text Picasso saying I’d be late because I’d be going out after work. As usual she said she’d be home whenever I got back, she’d be home early tonight, one of her meetings got moved. I met up with Titi before we headed out. On our way there Titi mentions that where we’re headed isn’t like my usual spots, it’s a little different and out of the way and I’ll understand when we get there. I’m a little curious but nervous at the same time. You can’t blame me though, honestly. It’s Nigeria and I’ve finally met the Yoruba babe of any man’s dreams, that’s how they’ll use me for sacrifice because I was following booty… Lord save me I thought. We get to our destination. It’s basically a fenced large field with little huts big enough to sit about six scattered around with a stage smack in the middle of it all. There was the smell of roasted fish, suya, alcohol, cigarettes, and something else in the air. It was a smell I knew from some time ago. We get to the huts, she makes the introductions. There are six of them in total, two guys and four girls. I forget their names almost as soon as I hear them. I sit beside Titi and we call for drinks. Jameson for the guys and red wine for the ladies. As we wait for our drinks conversations start up, everyone’s having fun, I can’t help but spark up a cigg. I notice the two guys bring out a bunch of these little bags filled with something, along with some brown papers. I’m not so close that I can see exactly but I have a pretty good idea. Titi must’ve caught me eye balling them.
“Did you ever smoke anything other than ciggs?” she asked
“No I didn’t, all the stories they tell you about weed making people nuts really stuck with me” I answered
“Really? Not even once?” she asks again, laughing as she does this time.
“Nope, not all, too scared” I say back, almost embarrassed
“Well I’ve been on it a while, it’s pretty cool” she says
“You sound like a rapist right now, you know that right?” I joke. She blurts out her laugh, exposing her beautiful smile.
“Well do you trust this rapist?” she asks teasingly
“My body is ready” I say trying to match her energy
“Then share one with me, please?” she smiles again as she asks. One of her many ways to disarm, that smile of hers. She danced the tips of her fingers on the back of my palm and up my fore arm. She was wearing a skirt today, it rode a little high as she sat. I think she knew, seeing as she crossed her legs and adjusted so she was facing me head on. I couldn’t help but stare.
“I mean, only cause you’re asking, I guess we could share one” I say, knowing it’s not the only thing she’s going to compel me to do. I think it’s important to note that I didn’t give in as a result of peer pressure. It’s something much worse, I was trying to impress a girl or sleep with her. Either way, I descended further down the rabbit hole.
“Well isn’t that sweet of you, kind sir” she said. I couldn’t help but smile as this tore away at my defenses like drenched paper.
“You’re doing this intentionally, aren’t you? At this point you should know I’ll pretty much do whatever you ask” I say
“You sure that’s something you want me knowing?” she asks
“Oh hell yeah, go right ahead and take advantage of me, please. I honestly can’t stop staring at your thighs” I say
“Since we’re being honest I’d be a little disappointed if you weren’t, I’m trying to get all of your attention after all.” She said.
“Oh please, you had my attention before you even knew it” I say with a slight grin.
“That just means I’ve gotta work to keep it too” just as she’d said that, she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and rested her head on my shoulder.
The joints were passed down from the guys down to Titi and I. Two of them, presumably for Titi and I, one a piece.
“You ready?” she asked
“Take me now” I said with a nervous smile
“You’re silly, it’s cute” she giggles
She lights it up, I can’t help but watch her the whole time. Dragging and inhaling. I can’t lie, watching her do it makes it look so alluring. She takes two drags and passes it to me. I never ever saw myself participating in the puff puff pass movement, I almost felt like giving an induction speech.
“Now you have to take it a little easy, this stash is a little strong but it’s just like smoking a cigarette though.” She says
“Aye aye captain” I say back
I take the first drag, it doesn’t seem so bad until I try to inhale it, it’s smooth, no weight and it doesn’t choke…. until I held it too long and I cough. It’s the worst cough ever! I can’t breathe. My eyes water immediately. My chest feels like a thousand little needles are piercing it all at the same time. My throat is as sore as possible, I swear I was a little scared I’d throw up. The whole time Titi rubbed my back, that helped a little as I settled back down. Had a shot of Jameson to ease the pain a bit, it was practically gone now.
“Hey hard guy, I told you to take it easy” Titi says as she laughs
“Hey crazy lady, you said smoke it like a cigg” I say back defensively
“Oh my God, look at your eyes, you look like you’re gonna cry” she says still laughing
We all share a good laugh at my expense. The first joint is gone, over.
“Feeling any different yet?” she asks
“No, not really I say, just the alcohol mostly, maybe we should try the second one” I say, trying to sound too cool for school. Lord have mercy
“Oh, ready for round two already?” she asks teasingly
“Girl shut up, you gon make me blush out in public” I say as she lights up the second joint.
It’s barely even half way gone before my eyes start to feel a little ticklish. You know when you get tipsy and get a bit reckless? That’s exactly what happened next. For the next ten minutes or so, I noticed I’d become hyper vigilant. I had to tell Titi every slight thing I’d noticed, and for some reason she kept on laughing at me the entire time. By the time the joint had ended, my vision had been blurred…my head was so light that it was heavy, everything was spinning, and worst of all I couldn’t hear a thing. My mind was running wild, because I could clearly see people talking and laughing. Was this it? Am I really going nuts? After I just met someone like her? Is this how it starts? I lean in to say something to Titi, she whispers her response directly in my ear but I couldn’t make out what she said. That added to my frustrations, whatever I did, I told myself no matter what do not start running because I might never stop. That’s how everyone says it starts. I tried to play it cool though, but there were eight of us and I couldn’t hear a single sound, plus my vision kept blurring out.
I don’t know for sure how much longer we stayed, I just remember I was in no state to drive, and one or two of Titi’s girls were a little out of it as well. So Titi offered to drive me home and then she would escort her friends back to her own place. That’s where my memories for that particular night had ended. Picasso wasn’t particularly happy about my state when I returned, she ate into me really good the morning after, what a scolding. Personally, I didn’t see what the big deal was, and I made it pretty clear it was just a bit of fun and I came home ok. She was mad but she got over it, meanwhile Titi had other plans. She would successfully turn me into a weed enthusiast by that weekend. Some friction was already starting to build between Picasso and I, again I had the chance to stop it all before it all goes too far. Instead I chose to look at it as me not doing anything to create friction intentionally, I just found a new way to unwind with some new people. She’d often ask who these new friends were and I’d blow her off. That Sunday, the second week I was smoking a joint I’d gotten off of Titi on my balcony when Picasso comes out and freaks out. Talking about stuff like, so you’re a junkie now? You even bring it home with you now? I’m actually giving her the Kevin Hart meme face like, are you done? She doesn’t think I’m taking her too seriously or I’m too high to even care. In all honesty I was a little too high to care, but what was the big deal really? You know I smoke ciggs so this shouldn’t be too far a stretch. I get up and tell her I’m going to take a nap. I lay in bed ready to drift off, I feel like I’m laying on clouds or freshly baked bread, I can’t be sure but as I lay there I remember thinking to myself that this was my chance. Picasso and I were like any other couple, we’d had our fights but we tried to avoid them as often as possible because the first one we had was bad enough to almost end the relationship. So I’d made up my mind to take the incoming fight as far as possible. She’d said I’d been distant all week and acting different. I would just usually say I was tired from work or being out most of the night. Picasso was patient but not that patient. She had no tolerance for the weed thing, not one bit. So I set up on the balcony again in the evening before she returns. I didn’t intend on smoking, just staging the area like I was. I waited an hour, then another hour, I got bored so I facetime Titi and somewhere in all that she manages to make me light up a joint. I hear the door unlock, so I tell Titi I have to call her back a bit later. Picasso steps out on to the balcony, there’s an immediate scowl on her face. I can tell she’s not happy.
“So where did you storm off to?” I ask
“Really you’re still at this?” Picasso asks
“How’s Alex?” I ask her. She’s not surprised. If there was anything about her, it was that her ex and her were still very close friends. It use to bother me, a lot. But I recall having never told her that I’d gotten over it. I prepared for this argument to happen exactly only once.
“Well, at least you know where I’ve been, where the hell do you keep going night after night?” she demanded, her voice slightly elevated
“What are you talking about? You don’t want me getting to know new people? I can’t have friends anymore?” I ask back. Classic trick with Picasso, she hates beating around the bush when it came to disputes, just say your piece and move on.
“What is this? You don’t know how to answer questions anymore? Or I’m not worth answering?” she asked
“The questions you’re asking aren’t worth answering” I say back coldly.
“Ok, answer me this then, who the hell is P?” She asks. If I’d been looking her in the face there’s no way she wouldn’t have noticed the shock on mine. But it creates an opportunity for a fall guy, I thought.
“Nobody” I said calmly
“Well how come nobody is always calling you? At any hour, and you never pick up when I’m around, why’s that? She’s the one doing all this to us and you’re letting her” Picasso says angrily
“The only one doing anything here is you, you’re just looking for reasons to pick a fight. First the weed, now this, what next? My tax returns? If you’re looking for reasons to end the relationship, you should just say so. Or are you gonna say I’m high again?” I ask her. That’s it, just keep pushing it.
“Oh wow, now I’m the one trying to ruin the relationship? I’ve given you an entire year of my life, a whole year I can never get back! And this is what I get? We’ve come too far to be playing these games, just come clean with me, at least give me that bit of closure, you don’t even have to tell me who she is, just let me know I’m not crazy, please!” she pleaded
“You know what, I also gave you a year! And I didn’t do that just to have you question me pointlessly about phone calls I never answer when you’ll go out and spend the whole day with your ex because you were mad at me, I might as well have picked you up and placed you on his dick. I certainly didn’t give you a fucking year to have you treat me like some sort of juvenile criminal because I wanna smoke weed, it’s a goddamn plant, it’s even in most of the painkillers you use, do the fucking research before you come at me because your ex got you tripping again and you looking for a way out. Well fuck it, you can have it, you wanna leave, then leave! It’s not like you going is gonna give me the year back, but by all means go off” I say. It’s quiet for a while, the silence is deafening. I didn’t want her thinking she was paranoid or acting crazy, so I decided beforehand that I was going to take the fall and force the issue. This was one of my most toxic traits, I could be very manipulative. She finally speaks up
“If that’s how you really feel then I really can’t force the issue” she said calmly
“I’m sorry for wasting your time” I say
“No it’s fine, I wasted your time too apparently, I’ll start moving my stuff” she says
“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not like I’m kicking you out, I wouldn’t do that, you know that much” I say
“Oh apparently I don’t know anything, might as well be Jane Snow” she said. We both loved game of thrones.
I decided to go to bed early that night. Even if I’d wanted to I wouldn’t want to stay awake, not tonight, not after that.
Picasso was done getting her stuff in order. I was passed out on the bed. She just stood there watching me sleep. She wasn’t in tears or anything, on the contrary she had a look of solid determination on her face. Like she was mentally preparing for a mission she couldn’t fail, almost as if mankind itself depended on the outcome of her mission. She climbed into the bed and woke me up. Naturally I was still groggy. She placed my head on her thigh.
“It’s not too late for us to go out on a high note you know, pun intended. We still have the entire night. We don’t have to go out sad, we have too many great moments for that. So just lay down there let me take good care of you like there’s no tomorrow, cause in reality there’s no tomorrow for us” she said. After that she proceeded to kiss me. Lightly at first, just a tiny bit of contact between both pair of lips, leaving you wanting more as the other pulled away, she came back in placing my lower lip between both of her, then invading my mouth with her tongue…oh my goodness I was getting charged up. Nothing like a good female who knows what to do with her tongue in your mouth. Just as I’m really getting into it, I feel a sharp pain in my chest, like nothing I’d ever felt before. It’s not a static kind of pain, it feels like it’s trying to spread. All the while I’m writhing in pain, my legs thrashing all over the bed. I try to scream but I can’t because her lips are still locked on mine. What’s weird is I can feel the blood gushing up from inside me and up to my mouth like some kind of fountain, and she’s still kissing me just as passionately. I feel the blood escaping my mouth. The metallic organic taste triggering my gag reflex, but she won’t give in, meanwhile the pain in my chest is getting worse. My entire body is thrashing from pure agony at this point, I wriggle enough just to slightly break free of her lips and look down at my chest, blood still spewing from my mouth and all. There’s a knife protruding from my chest, what’s even worse is Picasso’s hand is on it, violently trying to twist it in my chest. I look up at her, I try to ask why but my mind is too busy occupied from all the pain shooting through my body. She just looks down at me, smiles and says
“All good things must come to an end baby”.
I open my eyes. My body is trembling. I’m drenched from head to toe. I can’t move. For the life of me, I can’t figure out if it’s paralysis from blood loss or fear. I convince myself to try to move my head, if only just a little to scan around for Picasso. Five minutes pass, it’s the longest five minutes of my life. I can’t waste anymore time, I may not have another five minutes if I continue bleeding at this rate. I manage to move my head to the left, then to the right, it was clear, no one in sight. Only then do I let out a sigh of relief. I also notice something weird, the taste of blood in my mouth is no longer there. I use some of this newfound courage to assess the true nature of the situation I find myself in. What I happen to be drenched in is sweat, head to toe, the beddings, all sweat. No blood anywhere in sight, no Picasso either, no knife. I don’t remember ever being so thankful for life. I reach for my phone with my first instinct being call Titi, upon picking up my phone I see two missed calls from P and I toss it aside instead. I need to go back to sleep, I’ve got work tomorrow. There’s obviously no way I can still sleep in that room tonight, and Picasso seemed to have left while I was asleep, so I left my room and went over to my apartment door. It was locked, she had slid the key under the door. So what the hell was that dream about? Guilt? Fear? I’ll figure that out later, for now I need to smoke a blunt and go to bed. I remembered I had two rolled joints left. I didn’t know how to roll yet. So I lit it up put on some music, and for about twenty minutes the world was right again. As the high kicked in my mind became a canvas for a thousand simultaneous trains of thought, each adding their own dash of color and life to the collection. It was a cannabis masterclass. I go back into my room to get a blanket and some pillows to make up the couch for me to sleep in, and as I exit the room into the hallway leading to the living room I notice there’s something on the stool at the end of the hallway, something shiny. I didn’t remember dropping anything there so I was curious. Only for me to go closer and I’m pretty sure the look that draped over my face was one picked right out of a still frame from the movie the conjuring. Sitting idly on the stool was the same knife I saw sticking out of my chest. Like someone’s sick idea of a flag staff.
Reverting to the present, it’s the weekend of the third week after meeting Titi, also a week after the incident with Picasso. Honestly it still makes me shudder sometimes but this wasn’t the time for that, I had to get my head in the game despite the fact that I’m distracted. It was a year with her I don’t expect it go away like that, but it sure picks the shittiest moments to validate its existence. It’s supposed to be date night with Titi, a first official date, I’m an over thinker so this is a big deal for me. Oh shit I’m gonna fuck this up, I thought. She’s here now, in front of me as stunning as ever, makes me feel the phrase, ‘the face that launched a thousand ships’ wasn’t completely bullshit. But was it worth throwing away what I had for though? I pondered, I kept going back and forth. She hugs me, it’s the warmest gentlest lengthy hug.
“Our hugs keep getting longer and longer” she says, her hands still clasped around me neck.
“You can’t blame me, it feels like a safe space. Time tends to blur when I’m like this with you, I really need that right now” I say, my hands wrapped around her waist nestled comfortably on the upper part of her ass.
“You always have something sweet to say huh?” she asks maintaining the same position.
“I do try to keep up, you’re exactly light work” I say, at this point I’m wondering who’s hugging who
“This takes me back to the other night at your place” she says
“Huh? Wait, what? What other night?” I ask, confused obviously
“Yeah, when we went out with my friends? I had to drive you in your car back to your place? Man getting you address from you when you were that high was a fucking bop!” she said as she laughed. She went on to continue. “You kept saying you couldn’t hear what I was saying, but your eyes were closed, so I was wondering how you knew I’d said anything. It was so funny. But you slept a bit in the car so I guess it wore off a bit, don’t worry you didn’t snore. And uhhh after that yeah I had to make sure you got up ok, while we were in front of your door we hugged, a long long amazing hug. Then you asked me to spend the night, and I would’ve loved to, you know to make sure you were ok and stuff but I had to get my friends home as well” she concluded.
“I have no recollection of any of this, oh my goodness…. Oh so that was your intention all along huh? Get me back home just so you could make sure I was ok huh? I knew you were a rapist, you got the rapey look in your eyes” I said. She laughed. I neglect to tell her Picasso had been sleeping over that entire week, intentionally.
“So I know we were supposed to go out and have a good time but can we stick a pin in that for a minute? I think we should go in and talk for a bit, a few things I’ve gotta get off my chest” I say
“Ok sure, we can catch a movie any other time, what’s on your mind?” she asks as we head towards her place.
It was my first time in her apartment, goddamn it was quite the place. The entrance door opened into a little hall way, a little down the way on the left there was an arch and a gap in the wall creating an entrance into the kitchen. Passed that the hall way lead to the living room, dining area attached just in front of the kitchen, it was a beautiful set up. We sat on her couch, I hadn’t thought this through but I I went on ahead anyway. I wanted a real genuine shot with her, and I wanted to do it right too. So I told her everything about what had happened between Picasso and I, who she was to me, the whole story.
“So you’re saying you broke up with her because of me?” Titi asked, as she picked up her bong. It was under the table and took a hit of it. I’d pretty much do the same if someone sprung all this on me all at once.
“I broke up with her because we’d been together a year and I never met one person who made me not only deny my commitment to her but doubt it as well. I couldn’t do that to either one of you, so I did what I thought was best. Meeting you was like waking up from a dream and actually living it. I just wanted to start right. Truth hurts but secrets kill and all that Halsey crap. I’m not gonna lie to you I don’t have all the answers but if you’re willing to give me a shot her-“
“Let’s play a game” she says cutting me off and pressing the bong into my hands.
“You’re gonna hit that bong, and no matter what happens, don’t stop, just keep hitting it ok?” she continued.
I nod in agreement. I proceed to break down the loud so I can burn it. She watches attentively, a little too attentively maybe. I’m nervous again. Shit was about to get weird.
I take the first hit as she watches. The second rip and she’s still watching. On the third I’d started zoning, I could feel the bong start to slip as my grip on it loosens and just rests on chest. I hadn’t even realized when I’d leaned back on the couch, I was so trippy man. It’s like there are clouds forming up in my head and mounting vertically, what is this magic? I want to take another rip but I don’t know if I can manage that much yet, the realization makes me chuckle a bit but underneath all this I had a feeling I was exactly where she wanted me. The next moment my body and mind were thrown into a state of pure bewilderment. Something had changed, something was happening to me. The euphoria my mind was experiencing was affecting my body, I realized that much but this was something different, this feeling isn’t all in my head at all. It’s affecting my legs as well, I mean they’re not moving but I feel my toes acting weird in my shoes and my feet can’t feel the floor below them. What the fuck is going on here? I try to adjust my head to see what’s going, the first thing my eye catches is a reflection of light off of something shiny. It’s a mirror and then bam! There’s a huge ass in the mirror, the grey skirt that’s tightly wrapped around it had ridden up high enough for me to see her red lace thong she wore underneath. Something was off, that’s Titi’s ass alright but something about the view wasn’t right. What was it?
“I thought I told you no matter what happened you shouldn’t stop hitting the bong” she said. Her head all up in my face from nowhere. I raise the bong back up to my lips and start to fire up another hit. As the euphoria starts to drown away my curiosity, another wave of that physical feeling hit me from the leg up again and I look down, all of a sudden everything falls into the place. The reason this physical sensation keeps clashing and mixing with the euphoria from the high is because Titi had my dick rock hard so far up her throat I couldn’t even see the base of my dick anymore. I’m totally caught off guard, the whole scene comes into focus now, like your eyes adjust to the light after being in the dark for so long. I can’t feel the floor underneath my feet anymore because I’m laying on the couch now, when did that happen? And the position she picked was just amazing because the mirror ensured I didn’t miss out on the view of her amazing ass. Nobody had to tell me to hit the bong right after seeing all of that. The euphoria from the high and the pleasure of having my dick sucked had started to blend and mesh creating pure ecstasy, culminating in me losing my shit, dropping the bong and placing both my hands firmly behind her head as I cum in her mouth. I give off a loud ‘fuck yeah’ and a shudder as she swallows me and my kids all up. She didn’t stop there though, she kept on sucking, I’m losing my mind here, what more do you want from me woman? She kept at it about six or seven minutes longer. I catch movement in the mirror and watch her slide off her thong. She lifts her skirt up while she’s still bent over sucking my dick, I’m sure she knows I’m watching because she spreads her knees a little more. I can see her pussy and how wet it is. Purely instinctively I start to reach for the reflection I see in the mirror. She raises her head, places one hand on my chest and gently pushes me back down….
“I know you’ve been waiting for a while, and you had to do somethings you’re not proud of just to have a fair chance. I believe hard work should be rewarded, when people do good we should tell them, so let me be your reward” she said to me as she took off her top, reaching down with one hand and placing the tip of my dick in line with her pussy, then she dropped down on it. She rode me, grinding her hips back and forth. I immediately bring my upper body to an upright position and take her nipple in mouth and suck on it for dear life. She moans loudly as she presses the back of my head into her flesh. Her other hand clawing up my back with her nails. I could feel her feeling me up inside her. She was the plug and we were so fucking connected. Her breasts in my face, her pussy sliding all up and around my dick, the mad glimpses of her ass I catch in the mirror behind her. It was heaven in hiding. All was right in the world again.
Fast forward five months later. We’d been going strong, Titi and I. We were happy. We did all sorts of crazy stuff and adventures. We had a bit of a taste for car sex for some reason. It was all going so well and good until I found myself in this moment I’m in now, trying to process all the information I’m being handed all of a sudden. The moment reminds me of all the espionage movies I’d seen with critical and precise ambushes. That’s right I’d been foxed in, there was no escaping this. I was at the bottom of the rabbit hole now.
It was a simple telephone call that started it all. Titi had invited me over for dinner and a night over, said she had something to tell me. I was hoping she would say she was pregnant, I couldn’t wait to meet her parents.
We ate, drank, shared a few bong rips between us, or a lot. Then she said we needed to talk. She asked that I not interrupt her until she was done saying all she had to say. She proceeded to explain how she’d been sleeping with her ex at the one or two times I hadn’t been in town or unavailable, sometimes she just wanted something different. As if that wasn’t shocking enough she mentioned that she was actually engaged to someone who’d been away for the last year and they’d agreed to be in an open relationship while they were away from each other, how her fiancé knew about me and her ex because she’d obviously told him. Even her friends I’d met all knew I was just a fill in nigga. Even her ex she was fucking while she was fucking me knew about me being just a fill in. Everyone was in on it except me. I was in shock, I couldn’t even say a word if I wanted to. She went on to give me some profound words as well. She said she and I were believers in love but where we differed was in the kind of love we believe in. From the moment anything comes into this world, it’s stripped of its purity she said. Love is like any other thing we experience we need to get our hands dirty to make it work. Mine is a love that flourishes in the midst of the world’s impurities, with the side effects coming at the expense of others, not you nor the one you love. A human kind of love.
She finished her speech, got up from her chair went around the table coming over to me. She stands between me and the table, I have to adjust my chair backwards to accommodate her ass. She’s wearing a purple flowing dress with a very high slit right in front of it, in the middle. She spreads the opening apart so she could seat astride me. I grab a handful of her hair and tug on it, I run my free hand from her thigh up to her waist, I know her intent. From her waist up to her stomach, she wants to take everything from me. From her stomach up to her breast, even this one last moment of fleeting pleasure with her. Then her other breast, she wants to take the power. From her breasts I run my hand up to her neck, put my hand behind her neck and drag her head down so her lips are planted firmly on mine. Then I bring my hand back to the front of her neck as she kisses me, I tighten my grip around her neck. How about I take everything from you instead? Right down to the very breath you stole when I first laid eyes on you and run, run like devil’s behind me. To a place where no one will find me. Far away from this town.